Karma?

When I was younger, I loved christmas... but then, what kid doesn't?

But now, all I can see is the reality...

We spend so much money trying to show people that you care (do they not realize throughout the other 364 days?)

We spend hours preparing food, less than an hour consuming and the rest of the year trying to work it off.

I know it's the togetherness that's meant to make it all worth it. Seeing the family that you don't see often.

But it's different now...

My family is far away, and my friends are all growing up and moving away... overseas, and even though there are people around, I still feel a bit alone.

So now, when I should be wrapping presents and decorating the tree, I'm man down, can't leave the house kind of sick.

Is this karma, for not getting properly involved in the usual christmas process, getting excited etc?

Is it karma for saying that I don't really like christmas because it just reminds me how far apart we all are?

Or is it just a fluke?

Hoping to stop sniffeling,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields

R

x

This morning...

I left for work…
Dropped 2 nectarines under my car…
Got in car, started car,opened garage door, reversed car, got out car, picked up nectarines, pants split, got in car, realised pants were split to badly to wear, got out car, closed garage door, unlocked house, changed pants, locked house, started car, opened garage door, closed garage door, got out car, hit my foot on nothing, unlocked house, got cell phone, locked house, started car, open garage door…. FINALLY left for work.

Either the universe doesn’t want me at work today, or it wants me to do exercise (it was pretty tiring, and my pants split) OR I got out of bed on the wrong side…

Hoping the day improves...
Dreaming of Daisy Fields
R
x

Sweet Sweet Life

These pics just made my day!

Have you ever browsed around flickr.com? There are some beautiful, inspirational things! Theses pics are from Sweet Sweet Life

Go explore for your self!!!!

DO IT! :)

Loving the Pretty,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields

R

x

Procrastination, the key to nothing

Exams start in T minus 10 days. They're the final stretch to my having a degree. The only problem is, I just CAN'T settle into the learning. And it's a relatively large problem.

Hi, my name is Robyn and I am a procrastinator.

It's not my fault really, it's just that there are SO many things that I HAVE to do before I could possibly even think about studying.

I NEED to sort out my room, desk, stationary. I NEED to tidy my cupboard. I NEED to have some tea and a cupcake. I NEED to think about which subject to start with. I NEED to organise ALL my books so I can slip into study mode quickly and efficiently. I NEED more tea. I NEED to have a bath and then paint my toenails. I NEED to make dinner, eat it and do the dishes. I NEED to watch Private Practice while I eat dinner (saving time, in my mind at least). I NEED to sleep now because I'm so tired and surely I'll study better tomorrow if I get a good nights sleep tonight?!?

Never mind the non-studying I'm doing right now typing this.

I need to now rearrange my desk so I can get better light to read under. Then have a snack and THEN study. (although I'll probably only get a half hour in before I think of something else I MUST do, or I'll need to wee.)

It's ok, it's not like the rest of my life is pending on the out come of these exams...

Hoping for some focus,

Dreaming of Daisyfields...

R

x

A Call for Simpler Times

To quote Snow Patrol "If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world."

It seems that the more days that pass, the busier the weekends are, and the more complex and interwoven our lives become! More and more, I feel the need to just lie and do nothing. I see my 'lovely other dinosaur' on the weekends only, due to distance, sometimes only every 2 weeks... and when we are together there never seems to be any time to just do nothing, or go for a picnic just because it's saturday and there's no where else we need to be! (I love picnics! :) )

Not sure if it's because I am, finally, 21 (yesterday) or if I'm just going through a period of epiphanies... but I have made a conscious decision to cut out the excess in my life, in an attempt to simplify, slow down, and really enjoy what's happening around me! Time to delete the friends that take take take and don't give anything back... the fakeness in attempts to keep everyone happy...
Time to grow the balls to be able to call people out when they're NOT being lovely at all!

Most importantly, it's time to forget about everyone else and learn to focus on myself. In my dreams, when I'm who, what, where I want to be and wearing the things I want to, instead of feel compelled to, I will attract the kind of people I still people inherently are.

Not to take anything away from my special friends I already have, they're truely amazing, inspiring, THERE!

Hoping to make sense out of what's going on...
Dreaming of LOVELY daisy fields,
R
x

AMAZING...

Just discovered this awesome artist... do have a look for yourself!!!

GO LOOK NOW!!!! :)

Browsing through the loveliness,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields...

R

x

What to do...Where to go...

So you turn 18, finish school, and you have to choose a path. Gap year? Study?

If you study, what course do you take? BA? BBA? BCom? and after one year, you must choose majors. English? Communications? Psychology? History?

Then, once that's done, you must choose another path.

Find an internship? Find a job? What job do you want? Do you even know what you want to do? Did you ever know what you wanted to do? [Other than when you were 5 of course]

Do you go overseas? Where do you go? How long do you go for? What do you do when you get there?

Do you stay here and get a job and earn money before you get your travel boots on?

You need a CV. What do you put on? Which jobs are the ones they need to know about?

Does the high school part time shop assistant job count for anything?

Then I get told not to worry... these are regular feelings for a 20something year old...... Am I being silly? Do regular people not worry about these things? Am I completely confused? Over reacting?Under reacting? Overwhelmed?[that's last one's a given!]

It seems like I'm in such a rush for independence but I don't feel right living off my parents... so the 21 year old must make some decisions....

Hoping a path will find me,

Wishing to be a gypsey,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields...

R

x

a year has gone...

About a year ago my parents and little sister imigrated from South Africa to Australia.

Doesn't sound like too big a deal...

But when you've lived at home your whole life and are used to having your family around all the time, it is.

It was all an idea, nothing 100%, until all of a sudden...
Everything got packed up [not everything, but the things that make a house a home... pictures, funny memorabilia, general things you're used to having around] and they were gone.

I guess we were lucky to be left with the house and similar set up, so it didn't seem like it'd be too big a change... but everything changed. Even the smell of the house.

At first it was hard... cried a lot. Hated the change. Regretted not going with.

But slowly, as I saw how strong my foundation was back here. The friends were there, they were strong, and as much as I felt that I was leaning on them, they told me I wasn't... it helped...

It's probably been the best [I've had to grow up] and the worst [I'm scared my little sis has changed beyond recognition] thing for me... for us.

After a year of not seeing my Pops, he came home [for a week] and it was amazing and a little wierd at the same time. You get used to doing whatever, you know?

And now, after exactly a year of not seeing my Mamma and little sister, they're coming home.

I'm so excited that I don't know what to do with my self. Yet so scared. I'm either gonna hold up and be extatic or melt down completely... a little puddle of R on the airport floor...

Hoping the sleeps go quickly,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields...

R

x

Fitness Shmitness

Decided to enter a triathlon after doing absolutely NO exercise for, oh, say a year.

But it's good for my body, and mind to get some oxygen and blood pumping around my body [low blood pressure, poor colonic function, tsk tsk] but seriously... people do this for fun??????

Setting off is ok, got the music going and nostalgic wind in my face... until it starts to burn.

Now, when I say it burns, I mean IT BURNS. In my legs, in my chest, down my throat...

and if I slow down to a brisk walk then it turns into a cramp.

So then I think, after a mere km, that maybe I should give the bicycle a go.

Forgetting, of course, that it's been about 4 years since I rode a bike properly... if not longer.

But on I hopped, and off I went... feet on the peddals, feet off the peddals, feet on, feet off.

Wobble, wobble, peddal peddal peddal, fiddle with the gears, nearly fall. Fiddle with the gears some more [I can't figure them out] up the road, down the road, up the drive way, bike down.

COLLAPSE on my bedroom floor..............................................

Feel like I'm going to vomit, but I don't want to admit that everyone was right about me not being able to do this, so I close the door and die quietly.

Not sure how long it's going to take for me to be able to run a km with out dying.

Not sure if I'm going to be able to get through the triathlon without dying, or if I'll be able to stick out the training long enough to get there.

But I shall persevere.

Hoping to survive the road,

Wishing I was dreaming in daisy fields...

R

x

one of my all time favourite poems... kudos Lord Byron

The Tear by Lord Byron

When Friendship or Love
Our sympathies move;
When Truth, in a glance, should appear,
The lips may beguile,
With a dimple or smile,
But the test of affection's a Tear:

Too oft is a smile
But the hypocrite's wile,
To mask detestation, or fear;
Give me the soft sigh,
Whilst the soultelling eye
Is dimm'd, for a time, with a Tear:

Mild Charity's glow,
To us mortals below,
Shows the soul from barbarity clear;
Compassion will melt,
Where this virtue is felt,
And its dew is diffused in a Tear:

The man, doom'd to sail
With the blast of the gale,
Through billows Atlantic to steer,
As he bends o'er the wave
Which may soon be his grave,
The green sparkles bright with a Tear;

The Soldier braves death
For a fanciful wreath
In Glory's romantic career;
But he raises the foe
When in battle laid low,
And bathes every wound with a Tear.

If, with high-bounding pride,
He return to his bride!
Renouncing the gore-crimson'd spear;
All his toils are repaid
When, embracing the maid,
From her eyelid he kisses the Tear.

Sweet scene of my youth!
Seat of Friendship and Truth,
Where Love chas'd each fast-fleeting year
Loth to leave thee, I mourn'd,
For a last look I turn'd,
But thy spire was scarce seen through a Tear:

Though my vows I can pour,
To my Mary no more,
My Mary, to Love once so dear,
In the shade of her bow'r,
I remember the hour,
She rewarded those vows with a Tear.

By another possest,
May she live ever blest!
Her name still my heart must revere:
With a sigh I resign,
What I once thought was mine,
And forgive her deceit with a Tear.

Ye friends of my heart,
Ere from you I depart,
This hope to my breast is most near:
If again we shall meet,
In this rural retreat,
May we meet, as we part, with a Tear.

When my soul wings her flight
To the regions of night,
And my corse shall recline on its bier;
As ye pass by the tomb,
Where my ashes consume,
Oh! moisten their dust with a Tear.

Good Point...

A friend sent this to me... and I CAN'T stop thinking about it.
Thought I'd share.

"You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

Adrian Rogers, 1931

Hoping to provoke something...
Dreaming of Daisy Fields,

R
x

Competitors Ready?

In an world where jobs are becoming harder and harder to come by, it seems that now, more than ever, there is a need to prove ourselves...

But, considering the massive population that surrounds us, how can we be sure we'll ever make it?

There are millions of blogs being read daily, each the property of some aspiring writer, gossip watch dog or someone with something to share. Each has a select group of followers, sure, so it's safe to think that there'll be someone to follow my blogs... but how can we ever know if it's going to be good enough to get us where we want to go? I read alot, and can honestly say that there are a LOT of talented writers in the world, so how do I make it? What can I do to set myself apart from the rest of the millions in this world?

I suppose the same goes for most art forms. A percentage of skill is no doubt involved, and the rest falls on talent, practice and oportunity.

I wonder, though, how much of 'it' all comes down to faith? In yourself, in your chosen art form, in the opportunities 'the universe will provide' if you believe in that sort of thing. Think I'll give it a try...

Looking to find some faith,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields...

R

x

It's the way you make me feel...

There seems to be this massive rush for couples to fall in love. Like if you’re not there by the appropriate timeline slot then your relationship is obviously not ok, or you’re not ok or you’re partner isn’t ok.

I am starting to think that just because something isn’t spoken about, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I feel like some of the most beautiful things in the world are the ones we DON’T talk about. The ones words can’t describe.

Instead, I’ve been watching the actions of my ‘Love’r. And should it ever come down to the question of whether or not I am loved, I know I am. It’s all there, in the affection, in the way I feel around him. As though I am the centre of every universe. Treasured, respected and above all appreciated.

I’m not sure what the ‘accepted’ definition of love is, but for me, this is everything and more.

So, in a socially acceptable lingo, while we may not openly be confessing our love for each other, there is love in our relationship, and that, for me, is all I need to know...

Hearts in my eyes,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields...

R

x

City Lights at Night...

There's something about city lights at night that completely soothes my soul.

In fact, they move me SO much that I often think about ways in which I could live a regular life yet be completely nocturnal.

Sunsets, sunrises, they move me too, but nothing beats a big, full moon, shining stars and a horizon full of twinkling lights.

I've found a little 'spot' down by th harbour that both serves cocktails and allows me to view nothing but dark rippling water and shining lights... mesmerizing.

How lucky am I to be live in a city that has enough electricity to fuel daydreams, barring a few loadshedding incidents of course. I don't even need to go anywhere. I can view a tiny dip full of lights from my back garden... *sigh*

Think I'll go drink some wine out there right now...

Mesmerized by beauty,

Dreaming of Daisy Fields...

R

x

His name is Max.

and he has NO idea how cool he is!!!!!

I’ve been home alone for about 2 weeks. Didn't jump on the plane to Mauritius with everyone else... damn it Carl. Gets a little lonely. Would invite friends over, but by the time I’m home from work, have done some varsity work, made dinner, I really just want to chill out and watch some tv before turning in. Sound like a granny, I know, but entertaining/ talking to someone has just been the last thing I’ve felt like doing.

Coming home to an empty house all the time is also a little hard. Seem to have gotten used to telling someone about where I’ve been that day, what I’ve done etc.

So really... I found only one set of ears that I could tell my stories to, without having to provide any entertainment, or stay up till they were ready to go to bed.

His name is Max. Or Maximillian. Or Maximus. Or, when I’m feeling a bit European, Marsimo. He’s older than he, or I will have you believe, and he is a great big hunk of a Rottweiler.

An absolute winner, he is! I’ve found myself saying good morning to him. Giving a “You have a good day now,” as I’m heading out in the morning, and sighing with guilt as I close the door on those big not-so-much-of-a-puppy eyes at night. “Night baby,” I seem to say.

Really? Am I talking to my dog like he's a friend of mine? Does he know I’m having a lengthy conversation with him? Surely he does, as he understands me when I tell him to go around the house at dinner time. I wonder what he’s thinking.

Probably wondering why this weird lady keeps talking to him like he’s a pup. Or why he can’t have what I’m having for dinner [he’s on a strict diet!!! No lies!] He’s probably wishing I would wake up 10 minutes earlier to take him for a walk, instead of moaning at him when he ventures out on his own. Or that I’d drink my tea out of the veranda so he can have some close company, and some one to slobber on.

Maybe he’s wondering what I’m on about when I ask him to take good care of the house and I whilst I’m visiting DreamLand. Or just pondering over my incessant fear of the dark.

Really wish I knew...

Either way, I just realised, as my house mates arrived home today, how much I miss him when there are people around.

Think I might just go have that tea outside.

Wishing you could talk back,

Dreaming of daisy fields...

R

x

Yes, No, Maybe. I'm not really sure...

Having a relaxed relationship is great. There's no pressure regarding who's going to pop out the L word first, where it's going. There's a sort of 'what will be will be' air, and it's quite refreshing.

However, it also sucks. I'm feeling like a cliche'd, naggy girl. Unable to express my happiness for you, when deep down I'm overflowing with excitement. I don't WANT to have THAT conversation. I don't WANT to know where this is going or where it's going to end up. But I'm scared. I'm having so much fun!!! And the thought of going away freaks me out beyond compare.

I'm not the kind of girl to say no to an opportunity for love, I hope onto a certain HOPE that it'll all work out regardless, but still...

Being a grown up is not all it's cracked up to be.... How do I make it stop? :) I want to just play mermaids in the pool and not think about where I'm headed and where I'm going to be in 6 months time.

Wishing for fairies to tell me what to do,

Dreaming of daisy fields...

R

x

What's Going On Here?

Accept the first guy who offers you acceptance in his life.

YES! You go for it! He's hot, he has a nice car and he's so much fun!

Listen to his stories? He's daring and exciting. What's not to like?

Well... he treats you like you're a trash can. Useful when you want something, but otherwise just something to avoid. Cos it smells bad. And let's be honest, you'd look a little wierd hanging out at a dump right?

To quote a friend of mine, "If you loved yourself, why would you put yourself through that?"

She couldn't be more right.

If you really loved yourself, why would you accept that?

I really can NOT believe what I've been hearing. The way girls are being treated. And they're ACCEPTING it!!!

I understand it's 'cool' to have a boyfriend, especially in teens, and that we seem to live in a time where low self esteem is rife, and depression is claimed in attempts to avoid responsibility of actual emotions. [Please don't get me wrong, I fully support psychology and understand that depression is a real problem, but get help, and if your treatment isn't working, try something else!!!!]

I'm not bragging that I'm happy. That took me a long time too. I just want to reitterate that, at the risk of sounding cliche'd, a lot like charity, love starts at home too.

Take a little time out from the boyzzzz and learn to love yourself first.

You can't expect someone else to love you [like you should be loved] if you don't love, let alone respect yourself.

You're worth more than you think!

And he should feel LUCKY to have any of your attention, let alone all of your time.

He should be so lucky...

Wishing you luck,

Dreaming Of Daisy Fields...

R

x

I can't believe I'm agreeing to this...

Picture yourself in a leotard, stockings and heels. Beyonce's Single Ladies is playing in the backgroundand you're doing choreography quite similar to what the fabulous Miss B does in her music vid...
only you're on a stage.
and the other performers do this sort of thing far more frequently than you do.
and it's freezing.

I think I have voluntarily agreed to put myself in that exact same position, with two days to learn to move like Beyonce.
Is this even possible? Sould it be allowed? I'm not sure.

With not much to do but try practice around my dining room table [trying to avoid eye contact with the TV - Desperate Housewives starts soon...] in my p.j's and ugg boots, I set to work.
But alas... the moves that I tried so hard to piece together in rehearsal this afternoon are GONE, and although I phoned the choreographer to try to jerk my memory, I feel more confused than before I dialled out.
It seems that despite all the years I dedicated to the dancing that was [many years ago] my life, over the phone, it seems like pure gibberish. Could kick myself for not making a video of the routine. damn damn damn damn...

So I'm hoping that, should I not crack it tomorrow, muscle memory will wriggle in front of the adrenalin and help me out... [did I mention I'm already stiff? surely that's not a good sign?]
I'm not sure that the other dancers, let alone the audience/corporates/who ever else catches a glimpse will find the whole situation, and any potential mistakes quite as hilarious as I do.

Me. Leotard. Tights. Single Ladies. Stage.
TELL me someone else feels the humour!? ha ha

Oh, would you look at that... TV time.
Better go make some tea.
Cross any spare fingers you have for me PLEASE!

Hoping for success,
Dreaming of Daisy Fields...
R